It has been a while since I posted on here. Call it life or call it being lazy, just haven’t felt it the past many months.
Seems like when you lose someone close to you it starts to make you think about all the good times...good memories. It also makes you realize how little time you actually spent with that person. We will always have reason, work, kids, etc., but it all comes back to being selfish. Putting yourself first when you should always be second...or third even. Jason was one to never hold a grudge so I am sure...hope he has forgiven me and I thank him for that. That is only one of many, many great things about Jason. That boy would give you the shirt off his back, if you needed it. He was one in a million!!
I could type all day about all the great memories we shared and there were plenty, lol. From the simple things like listen to Shai (Showing the age here) as we drive around looking for something to do...to the unforgettable...blowing up mom and pop's pool. I don't think I have laughed so hard in my life and I am sure Shawn will agree.
I just wanted to jump on here to say thanks to my father. You see I was asked to play in a golf scramble this past weekend and I have not swung a club in about 5-6 years. I believe pop was right there with me helping me through day. I would like to think it was to give me encouragement but I know he just wanted to make sure that I treated his clubs well. My team didn't win but were able to post a score of 7 under. Thanks pop...love you and miss you.
It has been a few months since my last post but I am going to try to get at least one in a week.
It is coming up on 5 months since pop passed and it still doesn't feel real. I was looking at some pictures today and just started smiling. Pop was such a laid back guy. Nothing ever seemed to bother him…except maybe when mom wanted him to do something during a UK game.
About a month ago I had all the feelings of sadness rush back. A co-worker lost his father to cancer. It really hit home but since I had been in his position, I was able to provide a little comfort.
Let’s see…what else…Ashton is playing football and Cassidy is cheering. Both are doing great and in the end going to cost me a ton of $$. See I decided to motivate them by offering them $$ for certain things. Ashton gets $5 for a touchdown, $2 per extra point, $1 for every 10 yards and $0.25 per tackle. He is up to $33 right now. Cassidy is a little harder so she gets $50 if she can get her back-tuck before competition. I got a video yesterday that basically means that I will be out another $50.
What can I say? If you don’t stop to look around it will all be over and you will want to know where the years went. I know most won’t stop to look around but we should try to at least slow down. Life is too short as it is. You need to tell/show the ones you care about that you love them. You cannot give too many hugs and nothing is more important that family.
He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away. Revelation 21:4
This month has been a rough one for me. Basically, I miss my dad. I just find myself doing nothing but thinking of life with him and how we will deal with life without him. The month of June had/will have many firsts: First anniversary without pop, first birthday without pop and the first father's day without pop. I have been in a funk all month and it is a combination of things but I think this Sunday, Father's Day, is really getting me down. I know in my heart that my loving wife and 3 beautiful children will help me through the day. As I have posted many times in my blog and on Facebook, the Lord will see it through...I just need a little more faith.
As I typing this I look down at Tori and what is she doing?? Sleeping on the floor. She didn't want daddy to hold her because she wasn't tired. I put here down and start typing and she is sawing logs. It is little things like that just make me smile. Well I guess i need to take her to bed. I am going to say that she will sleep in her bed for about 16.5 minutes before waking up.
He replied, "Because you have so little faith. I tell you the truth, if you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mountain, 'Move from here to there' and it will move. Nothing will be impossible for you." Matthew 17:20
It has been many, many days since post my last post. I feel bad for not posting and going to try to play catch-up. Lets see...where to start. The kids got out of school last Wed and each got some good awards (Ashton - Straight A's all year, Principal's award, over all best student, math award, reading award and Cassidy - A-B honor roll all year, missions award, art/writing award). They had a great year at Little Flock and are ready to go back next year. Cassidy hopes they get credited so that she can attend high school there.
Got the area by the creek done with fire pit and all. Broke it in a few weeks with a good old fashion hot dog roast and smores. Wanted to do it again today but with the heat, I decided against it. Maybe next week...ok...next week for sure.
The kids and I have been thinking about pop the past few days. They always want to hear I Will Rise and Keep Singing. I have to say, that I like hearing them too. They think of the songs that were played at pop's funeral but I say those are the the songs that angels sang the day he joined them. It if unreal how I see things or hear things that make me think of pop. Silly things on TV or a dad talking to his kid. Sometimes I think that I will get over feeling like this but deep down I hope I don't.
I hope I don't take too long on the next post but you know how it goes...life happens and sometimes gets in the way.
Let the heavens rejoice, let the earth be glad; let the sea resound, and all that is in it; Psalm 96:11
It has been about 5 days since my last post. Lea was right about keeping up with the post will get harder and longer in between. It might be days or even weeks between posts, I will do my best to keep blogging away.
Seems like I am finally getting out of the funk I have been and I thank Jesus for that. Finally in the basement catching up with out DVRs. It has been about 2-2.5 weeks since I have made it down there. It feels pretty good.
Lets see...what has happened in the past 5 days. We had the big Mt. Washington Spring Festival. The parade was about 10 politicians too long but the kids had a great time. Cassidy and Ashton both got balloons at the festival. When they got home they wrote a message to pop on the balloons and let them go. They were hoping that the balloons made it to heaven. The balloons might not have made it but I am sure the message did.
Well it is hard to type and pay attention to the TV so I am signing off. Good night and God bless.
Long life to you! Good health to you and your household! And good health to all that is yours! 1 Samuel 25:6
This week has been so very long. It seems like I have been a robot. Get up, go to work, come home, go to bed and do it all over again. I haven't felt bad but feel like I have been in this funk that I just can't shake.
Tomorrow is the big...huge Mt. Washington spring festival and I hope getting out of the house for the day will help me shake this what ever I have. The festival is about the kids but I do love to think back when I was not much older them running around all day.
I know things will never go back to the way things were and I don't want them to. I have a life time of memories and that is plenty. Love ya pop, miss you pop and look forward walking with you and Jesus.
Keep yourselves in God's love as you wait for the mercy of our Lord Jesus Christ to bring you to eternal life. Jude 1:21
It has been a few days since my last post but the family has been really busy. Friday we went through pop's things. we laughed and talked about the good memories but deep down it wasn't a very fun thing to do.
Got to be around 1:00am and got back up at 4:00am to get ready to work Derby for Cassidy and Ashton's football/cheer. There were a ton of...lets just say...interesting people. The weather was nasty but everyone's spirits were still high. What can you say, it was Derby. Sales were slow but we made some $$ for the football/cheer and a few tips for ourselves. Feet were in some crazy pain but it was all worth it in the end. After 15 hours on your feet just makes you glad that Derby is only once a year
So we got to wake up today and go to church. I like it when the kids understand that we get to go and not that we have to go. It was struggle to get out of bed and was very tired this morning but it was a great day...raining or not. Put on a skit for the K - 5th grade and it was gnarly. I use the word gnarly as Rob and I played surfers...brother surfers, Flip and Flop. The way people talk it seems we did Bill and Ted proud (Bill & Ted's Excellent Adventure). I personally thought it was the best skit we have done. I love teaching the kids about Jesus and making them laugh. That is just a little blessing God has given me and I thank him for that.
I know that when I come to you, I will come in the full measure of the blessing of Christ. Romans 15:29
It has been a few days since my last post and I have determined that life is a very busy things. Add 3 kids to the mix and you start to turn gray...or do I take after my pop? I would like to think I get my stunning good lucks from my pop and like he always says, "I wish God made me rich instead of so good looking".
Heading to mom's for dinner tonight then we will be going through pop's things. Don't know how the emotions will hold up so we will see. I t should be interesting because if I know my pop, he always had a "junk" stash in his dresser. No telling what we are going to find.
I am stealing from the man right now and need to get back to work. Everyone have a great Derby weekend.
In his hand is the life of every creature and the breath of all mankind. Job 12:10
Well today was a ton better than yesterday but still not nearly perfect, nor will it be. On the way home "I Will Rise" came on the radio and pop came to mind...that song will always be pop's song from now on. If you have not heard the song you are really missing out but I will hook you all up, http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9yvfso4Q8xg.
I hope I sleep a little better tonight...waking up way too early.
As someone once said, short, sweet and too the point it the best approach...until tomorrow.
Be exalted, O God, above the heavens, and let your glory be over all the earth. Psalm 108:5
This morning was the earliest I have been up in the past week...boy what a struggle. After waking the family, out the door I went. Was in no hurry to get there and timed the drive perfect with a 7:56am arrival time. Got to my office and the rest of the day was a blur. Co-workers stopped by to asked questions but all I heard was blah...blah...blah...tomorrow...blah...blah...blah. Hope I remember what happens tomorrow, but then again why?
My internal clock told me it was time to head to the house and it didn't matter that my clock is 5 minutes fast. Stopped by mom's to pick up some of the best banana pudding I have ever eaten, next to Uncle Puddin's...sorry Wayne, you are stuck with that name. Also invited mom to join Lea, the kids and I for dinner in the near future after Derby weekend.
For the most part today wasn't a bad day but I could think of 1000 places I would rather...one of them being Vostok, Antarctica. Each day will get better and easier. Until tomorrow...Good Night.
He had a dream in which he saw a stairway resting on the earth, with its top reaching to heaven, and the angels of God were ascending and descending on it. Genesis 28:12
The family and I got to go to church today and it was great worshiping the Lord. It seemed that every song that was sung and verse that was read in some way reminded me of pop. There were times that I had to fight back a tear every now and again. Missing pop more and more each day but the reality of him being gone still has not sunk in completely.
Tonight is going to be a short post as I am heading to bed because Monday is going to be a long day. By the grace of God, I will make it through. Good night world...good night pop.
The length of our days is seventy years - or eighty, if we have the strength; yet their span is but trouble and sorrow, for they quickly pass, and we fly away. Psalm 90:10
Woke up this morning thinking about pop as we were planning on heading to Rest Haven. The weather had other plans. Ashton made it through his soccer game with a 4 -1 victory. He didn't have any goals but he did have 2 assists and I feel that is just as good as a goal. He made dad very proud today.
The passing of my father has really made me look at things slightly different. One thing I am going to try to do everyday is let my kids know how proud I am of them. Just lift them up every single day. When I told Ashton that I was very proud how he played today, you could just see the glow shining from his smile.
Thanks to Justin and Jessica Cook on bringing over dinner tonight. It was really good and the dessert was just unbelievable. I can understand why Justin said that Jessica counted them so Justin wouldn't eat one on the way over. Thanks guys for thinking of us.
If the weather holds off tomorrow we will be heading out to visit pop's grave site after lunch at mom's. I just know that it will be another step to getting through this rough time in my life. Thank everyone for the prayers through this time.
Slept in today but didn't realize how tired I was until I looked at the clock. Boy did my body and mind need the rest. Did a few things around the house and then headed to mom's. Don't know if I am going to get used to just saying mom's. Didn't do too much just hung out with mom and talked a little but it was good for both of us. The kids were outside playing with Cassidy came in to say that Ashton was calling her names. After talking with Cassidy about name calling will not do anything but hurt her feelings and that is why Ashton does it. Then it was time to talk to Ashton. Ashton, as any 7 year old boys, said he didn't do anything. What I said next made him tear up a little. I said who knows when you are not telling the truth. He looked down and said Jesus. I said there is one more person in heaven that knows. He looked up and said gramps does.
Back to the house to knock out a little more things. Very little has gotten done around the house for the past few weeks so trying to play catch-up. It is slow going but going. After about 2 hours of cleaning, back to mom's for dinner. It was tacos and I love her tacos. It was weird sitting around the table all together without pop but that is just one of many things that we will have to adjust to. Another will be when we have to go through his things. Not sure when any of us will be ready to do this but it needs to be done.
Tomorrow we have soccer then a trip to Rest Haven to visit pop. Hope it is not raining as we are going to eat a few White Castles in his honer. I figure that if each of us eat about 4, then that will total the amount that pop would eat. Boy do I miss that man.
For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life. John 3:16
Today is a day that I will never forget...we buried my pop today. What a good man, correction...what a great man he was. As a few said today, if you needed something all you had to do was ask Stan.
It still amazes me how he went from from a loving father and a loving husband to an angel of the Lord. It all happened so fast, 7 weeks to be exact. March 9th we found out about the cancer and April 19 he left his earthly home for his heavenly home. I think to myself and say only 7 weeks, really? That is only 41 days, a month and half, why so fast. Then it hits me, what some people would give to have 7 weeks with their loved ones. I can't look at the 7 weeks a negative but as a positive...a blessing. We still had time to laugh and cry with pop. We were able to celebrate his 66th birthday with 130+ of family and friends. The 7 weeks were truly a gift from God as he had no pain at all and that was also a blessing.
The funeral service was just amazing. The amount of friends and family was just crazy. My pastor told me he had to part down the street and walk to the funeral home. The songs were perfect, the testimonies were funny and sad but what stands out to me is how Tom LaHue shared the one and only way to accept God's gift for eternal life. Pop was smiling down on us as he knew that it touch at least one person's heart to admit, believe and commit. Thanks Tom for the great service. After all the family and friends said their final goodbyes I got to say a little goodbye and I stayed until the casket was closed. Not something that many people get to see so I will hold that special in my heart, thanks Mark.
The dinner was held at the First Baptist Church and a special thanks to all the people involved to make that happen. I know mom will agree, but I would not have been able to get through this without my loving wife and my church family, so a special thanks to you. When my aunt G and uncle Edgar were leaving I hugged them both and was given the best compliment of my life. While hugging my aunt G, she told me that she knows that pop was so proud of me as I have grown up to be a great man, father, husband and love the Lord. What more could a son ask for?
I am not got to drag this out any longer as it is after midnight so I will sum this day up in one word...Godly.
In my Father's house are many rooms; if it were not so, I would have told you. I am going there to prepare a place for you. John 14:2
I am titling this one WOW! because of so much love and support my family has. Today's turn out for pop's visitation was just overwhelming, that it was hard to believe.
Walking into the funeral home I wasn't for sure how I would handle the situation. I couldn't swallow as the lump in my throat was to big. The first thing I noticed was pop's white hair, it seems brighter than before but I then I remembered he is now one of God's angels. Why wouldn't be bright? I placed the letters from the kids in with pop, Ashton said that he could read them in heaven, as my eyes filled with tears. Just seeing him laying there was...well...I can't explain but if you have been in the situation you understand what I am talking about.
The friends and family starting arriving and the hugs and "I'm sorry" started spilling out. The next thing I knew I had hugged about 300+ people and found myself at the back of the funeral home. It seems that every time you see someone you know you take a step toward them and after 300+ steps, one would be at the other end of the building. As I started this post, the turn out was just mind blowing. It just proves that pop, AKA gramps, was loved by any and all that knew him.
Thank you to any and all that visited today. If it wasn't for you, today could have been unbearable. But I need to thank someone that has been with me through all of this and that person is Lea. She has been my rock, my support through all of this. With out her I really do not feel I would make it. Thank you Lea, I love you with all my heart and soul.
Be merciful to me, O LORD, for I am in distress; my eyes grow weak with sorrow, my soul and my body with grief. Psalm 31:9
Woke up this morning to a heavy heart and some tired eyes. Seemed to just go through the motions for the first few hours of the day. If I didn't see it with my own eyes, I would say it was all a bad dream. We didn't want to disrupt the kid's day to much so we sent them all to school today, then did some running. It helped to keep their minds on something else.
Tomorrow is going to be a long, long day. Praying for Jesus to give me the strength to make it through, knowing he will not give me anymore than I can handle. I know there will be tons of support there for the family, so thank you in advance.
A special thanks to my friends at FBC. We received a phone call saying that the CLC is ours for after the funeral if we wanted to use it. It is little things that this, emails, phone calls and FB posts that shows how much support we have. God bless you all.
He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away. he who was seated on the throne said, "I am making everything new!" Then he said, "Write this down, for these words are trustworthy and true." Revelation 21:4-5
At 6:47pm, we told my father that that we would see him in heaven and we will be okay. Nothing can prepare you for something like this. The pain of loosing a loved one but joy knowing they will be spending eternity with our Lord savior Jesus Christ.
A special thanks to everyone that came to the house tonight. The love and support was just amazing. We truly have great family and friends. I would also like to send out thanks to all my Facebook friends that sent prayers in our time of need.
I mentioned that explaining my father's condition to Cassidy and Ashton was rough, well that is second to explaining to them that their gramps went to see Jesus was heart breaking. The kids were upset but seemed to settle in...so I thought. We got home and the kids were so tired and when I got Ashton into bed he just couldn't handle it any longer. As I was talking with him, he looked at me with tears in his eyes and just said, "Sorry daddy".
The rest of the week will be rough but I know pop will be looking down on us and giving us the strength we need to get through it. Dad, I love you and miss you so much. Thank you for dedicating yourself to me and our family. You are the reason for who I am today...the reason I put Jesus Christ first in my life and why I share Jesus with my children.
The LORD is my shepherd, I shall not be in want. He makes me lie down in green pastures, he leads me beside quiet waters, he restores my soul. He guides me in paths of righteousness for his name's sake. Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me. You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies. You anoint my head with oil; my cup overflows. Surely goodness and love will follow me all the days of my life, and I will dwell in the house of the LORD forever. Psalm 23
It is about 12:50am and I have been sitting here watching pop sleep for the past 2 hours and I all can think if is what a great man/father he is. How much he has given up for my family and how he puts everyone in front of him.
When you are young living in your parents home, you don't understand why your parents do what they do. All you know is you are always right and they never understand. You get upset when you can't go out with your friends and you feel like they are the worst parents in the world. Then you move out on your own, maybe get married and have your own family and you never think back on the times you might have hurt their feelings because you didn't get your way.
Sitting here gave me plenty time to think about my childhood and the stupid things I did or said. All I can say is WOW...I was such an idiot sometimes and didn't care about anyone other than myself. So as soon as I finish this post, I will being telling my father how right he was about almost everything...except I knew I could get there in 2 with my 5 wood.
Life is short people and it took me going through this to realize how short. I need to love a little more and complain a lot less. Remember...nothing is as bad as it seems.
For the wages of sin is death, but the free gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord. Romans 6:23
Got another call from mom last night around 9:30pm shot over to their house. Pop wasn't very alert and breathing continues to slow. Hospice nurse came by around about 11:30pm last night to check him out. She says that his lungs are clear but his heart is working way too hard. She also gave us some signs of the end is near so we will know what to expect what that time comes.
Once our minds were temporary put at ease and the nurse had left, it was time to tell funny stories...and with my family there are plenty is anyone needs to borrow some. By this time the time was pushing 3:00am when mom told the funniest story I have ever heard in my life. It was about my aunt cooked for my uncle for the first time. He tells the story about she made him fried chicken, green beans, mashed potatoes and gravy. He said the gravy was thick and the potatoes were runny. He piled up the gravy on his plate, made a little pond in the middle and then pored the mashed potatoes into the gravy pond he just created.
I share this story because it is a great memory and memories will stay with you for all your life. Make memories with your loved ones as you never know when that is all you will have of them. I know when my father goes to meet our Lord, my family will have a ton of memories so share and rejoice his life. It is going to be a said but happy day as I know my pop will be going to heaven. I love you pop.
But may the righteous be glad and rejoice before God; may they be happy and joyful. Psalm 68:3
